


Real Face

by threewalls



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), Nobuta wo Produce
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairing, Cuddling and Snuggling, Friendship, M/M, Meta, Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 20:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threewalls/pseuds/threewalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The adventures of Kiritani Shuuji, secret Kamenashi fanboy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kizuna

**Author's Note:**

  * For [argle_fraster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argle_fraster/gifts).



> This story could not have existed without Lynndyre and JTriskell.
> 
> Potential spoilers for Nobuta wo Produce, Gokusen 2 and Kamenashi Kazuya's career 2005-2006.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh," Uehara says, when Shuuji asks. "There's this Saturday night drama on NTV with some Johnny's Boys, Juniors. It's called Gokusen. Everyone says you look like Kamenashi. But that's not why I-- um--"

Shuuji becomes popular in the winter term of his first year of high school. It's not his fault.

Suddenly, girls stop talking to each other when he walks near. Not all, but enough, girls his own age, but also second and third years. Some blush when they look at him. Some stare. Some giggle. The worst is when Kuroki-sensei finally asks him to stand to answer a question, the first all term, and before Shuuji's even spoken, she's blushed deep red.

1B wins the Valentine's Day prizes that year, both for the most and for the least number of chocolates, for the first time ever. Shuuji receives a pile on his desk (and by his shoes) that grows embarrassingly all through the day. The guys won't eat any of it. They crow for him, after the final bell, when the principal comes around to confirm that no one received more. They go bowling to celebrate the class victory, while Shuuji stays behind trying to figure out how to get all the sharp-edged boxes and bags and tins out of the classroom and into the garbage bags the deputy principal brought him.

"Mm. Liquorice."

"Please take it."

Shuuji's arms ache and his collar itches against his sweaty neck. Katherine's not helping, just walking around the room lifting up boxes to see what he's got. She seems to like the ones with sparkly decorations on them the best.

"The gifts of love are too precious to give away so easily!"

Two thirds of the girls at his school brought Shuuji chocolate (if the final count was one item per girl), and he's barely spoken to most of them. Shuuji doesn't know what love is like, but it can't be like this.

"Although," Katherine says, tapping her closed fan against her hand. "There is room in the staff-room cabinets. I could take a box every day in payment for storage, if you think you could spare them."

When he's finished dragging the sacks and squishing them into the staff-room cabinets, Shuuji says to Katherine: "I don't know why they did this."

"Then, maybe you should ask."

***

Shuuji waits for Uehara after basketball practice on Saturday. She's the best choice to approach about this. His year, but not his class, and she doesn't have a boyfriend that Shuuji will make jealous by talking to her. She's also popular, the only first year to have already made the school's top rank team rather than the reserves. She sent him chocolate, too, but Shuuji can't remember catching her staring at him.

"Oh," Uehara says, when Shuuji asks. "There's this Saturday night drama on NTV with some Johnny's boys, Juniors. It's called Gokusen. Everyone says you look like Kamenashi. But that's not why I-- um--"

"Uh-- it was chocolate truffles shaped like basketballs, right?" Shuuji asks, just so that Uehara stops looking at her shoes. "Did you make them yourself?"

She nods, her eyes lifting into a shy smile. What a lucky guess! Shuuji tries to remember what Koji said about them.

"They tasted really good, and the shape, it was so even."

"I could make you lunch, sometime."

Shuuji nods, smiling. Lunch isn't too much of a promise. "But I think we'll have to wait until next year." Shuuji leans forward a little, because it usually makes girls flustered. "You must have seen how much chocolate I got on Monday. I'm worried about how the other girls will treat you if we start straight away."

But now Uehara's smile isn't tentative anymore; she doesn't look like the sort of person who will forget over the next seven weeks just because Shuuji doesn't talk to her.

"And is it ok with you if we keep it a secret?" Shuuji smiles and smiles, trying not to let himself wipe the sweat on his palms on his trousers. "Just for a while, ok?"

***

Shuuji thinks Gokusen is stupid. The boys are supposed to be delinquents, but they don't drink, don't smoke. They get into fights, physical fights that leave everyone with delicately crafted bruises and cut lips that bleed what looks like lipstick, but they don't bully the rest of the school. Friendship being when you go watch your friend get beaten up by a university guy who boxes seems like the stupidest end to the stupidest show. And Kamenashi and Akanishi, the leads, could blackmail their teacher so easily when they find out her big secret, but don't.

Shuuji thinks the drama is stupid, but he can sort of see why all the girls like it. Kamenashi and Akanishi are pretty. They're wanna-be idols. They're Johnny's. Of course, they're pretty. Anyone would find them pretty, it wouldn't mean anything. And Akanishi looks sort of girly, his hair, his face and those wide hips.

But the way Kamenashi and Akanishi look at each other makes Shuuji uncomfortable. He's never had a friend like they're supposed to be, but it's later, when Shuuji's finally having the shower he put off to watch the show, that he realises that who they remind him of is his mom and dad. And Kamenashi and Akanishi do it all the time, stare at each other for long pauses that happen for no reason. The episode he watched was about some other guy and how much his Valentine's sucked; Shuuji would sympathise, except that what stays with him is Kamenashi and Akanishi fighting about who got the most chocolates _last year_ , slouching back on seats in a cafe bar, feet spread wider than their shoulders.

But all the girls think Shuuji looks like Kamenashi, and it's Akanishi that's the girly one, so that's all right. If they were dating, Akanishi would be the one just standing there, mouth open under Kamenashi's kisses. Except that it's not kissing Akanishi that Shuuji is thinking of when he falls against the shower tiles, legs shaky and lips bitten through because he's never had to stop himself from making so much noise.

Shuuji makes sure to wash everything down the drain, and he sleeps, and he's ok. Kamenashi is an idol. It doesn't mean anything.

But on Monday, Shuuji rides to school, still thinking about Kamenashi. From watching TV spots all evening on Sunday, he knows Kamenashi is in a group called KAT-TUN that involves Kamenashi, Akanishi and some other guys (whose names start with T, T, U and N, Shuuji guesses?) that Shuuji has only seen in quick, blurry inset shots. Kamenashi hasn't graduated from high school. It's his birthday on Wednesday. Today, Kamenashi is only two years older than Shuuji. In two days, it'll be three.

It's ridiculous, Shuuji thinks, the way he can't stop thinking about that. That and the way he keeps catching himself grinning when he thinks about Kamenashi. Ridiculous. Shuuji shakes his head, chill wind in his hair as he rides.

***

Corner of his eye, split-second, a boy in Sumidagawa uniform, light turning green -- Shuuji doesn't think, pedals faster, one hand outstretched, grabbing for the boy's bag-strap, pulling-- and they both fall, crashing into the pavement just as the traffic accelerates harmlessly past.

"Wah! Shuuji-kun saved me!"

Kusano Akira, also 1B, won the Valentine's prize for getting the absolute minimum number of chocolates. None. He's a weirdo. If Shuuji is the one everyone is always watching, Kusano is the one that everyone pretends doesn't exist. As embarrassing as receiving six-times your age in chocolates is, Shuuji thinks, being Kusano has to be worse.

Shuuji pulls himself to his feet, dusting off his uniform and frowning at the state of his bike. It doesn't look damaged, so he should still get to school on time.

" _Sank-kyu_ , Shuuji-kun!"

Kusano grabs Shuuji's shoulders, a hug that comes out of nowhere, Kusano's weight heavy on Shuuji's back, Kusano's body heat soaking through their uniforms. Shuuji's face flushes, eyes wide and confused at his body's instinctive response. Kusano's nothing like Kamenashi.

"Idiot," Shuuji says, struggling to get out of Kusano's grip without dropping his bike. "Pay attention to the traffic! You can't rely on someone being there to stop you."

"You saved me!" Kusano repeats.

Away from Shuuji, he's waving his arms around and he sounds so happy it makes no sense. People are starting to look. Shuuji hopes that no one from school has seen them.

"It was an accident," Shuuji says, throwing his leg over his bike. He says nothing to Kusano's question about seeing Shuuji at school. The last thing Shuuji hears as he picks up speed is Kusano calling: "I'll get a bike so we can ride to school together!"

***

Kusano shows up halfway through first period. He waves at Shuuji. Shuuji ignores him. So does everyone else.

Monday is also Shuuji's last day shifting chocolates. Shuuji tenses when he hears the door open behind him, but doesn't turn. He's been waiting for Katherine to show up to collect her rent.

"Ah-ha! I found you!" Kusano says.

Bent over a garbage bag, as he has been every afternoon since the 14th, Shuuji looks around to check that they're alone. Then, he glares at Kusano and tells him to go away.

"That's not very friendly, Shuuji-kun!"

"We are not friends."

"You saved me. Shuuji-kun, I owe you my life! I must save yours! We will be best friends from now on!"

"We are not friends," Shuuji repeats, and then, before Kusano can argue more: "If I give you a box of chocolates, will you leave me alone?"

Kusano looks at the chocolate, mouth twisting in thought, before looking back at Shuuji.

"Boys give chocolate in March," Kusano says, and Shuuji has the same hot-cold feeling from this morning. It's ridiculous, Kusano isn't even touching him this time. Kusano steps forward and Shuuji steps back, kicking the cabinet with the heel of his shoe. It feels a lot like panic, to feel his heart beating this fast, though that wasn't how Shuuji thought of this feeling when he was watching Kamenashi on TV.

"It's not-- Look, I got too much. I don't want it. If you want to do me a favour, take some and *go away*!"

As a plan, it works well enough right then. But Kusano starts stopping Shuuji in stairwells, talks to him in class, leaning on Shuuji's desk. Shittaka jokes that maybe Kusano has a crush on Shuuji, and Shuuji makes the expected face of disgust with everyone else. Somehow, it makes him think of Kamenashi, even though Kusano looks nothing like the idol. A lot of things these days make Shuuji think of Kamenashi, and he can even do it without automatically smiling. He practices in front of a mirror at home. He's still waiting for someone to catch him out.

Yoshida asks what really happened, so Shuuji can now humbly explain that he stopped Kusano from getting run over. He's been waiting for this. When someone else asks, it's a story that makes Shuuji look like a hero, instead of bragging. Everyone agrees that Kusano's a klutz, and the gossip turns to Botan-sempai and Tamako-sempai from third year getting caught making out in the gym storeroom.

***

Rather than spend three nights and more money than he has making giri-choco for everyone, Shuuji just buys one box. He leaves it on Uehara's shoes, with no note, but he makes sure to stop by her class that lunch.

Everyone sees them, sees the way Uehara likes her mystery chocolate better than the others she got. Everyone knows. And then, all the whispers that follow Shuuji around are about Uehara, Mariko, the sort of girl any boy would like. Gokusen finishes that Saturday, and when school starts again in April, no one mentions Kamenashi at all, at least until October. But by then, Shuuji has other things to worry about.


	2. Seishun Amigo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuuji hears silence behind him, and turns to see Akira holding his Gokusen 2 DVD in one hand and his Seishun Amigo single in the other. Shuuji had hidden them at the back of his closet's top shelf.

"Shuuji-kun, can I stay?" Akira asks. "Can I stay?"

Shuuji looks at him, and tries to think what he should say.

Shuuji hadn't asked where Akira was staying when they left the beach. Sopping wet, they'd both needed to go home, get dry, and it was already getting winter-dark by the time their bicycles wound their way to Shuuji's family's new apartment. Akira just followed him home, and that hadn't seemed weird, even when Shuuji was struggling to remember landmarks for how to get home in this new city. They'd set their shoes up against the wall to dry and tip-toed to the bathroom, trying not to drip too much on the carpet.

Now, Akira is asking, and Koji is looking sulky and Shuuji's dad is standing in his kitchen apron, holding the phone on the line to Tokyo, to Akira's important big-business man father, and this is not a question that Shuuji thinks should be up to him to decide.

Akira can stay for dinner tonight because no one is expecting him home. His father only knows Tokyo tofu men. Akira's staying in a hotel. A friend who leaves Tokyo to stay with Shuuji must not stay in a hotel, Shuuji's dad had said, with tears, real tears at the corners of his eyes and demanded Akira's father's phone number.

Can Akira stay? Can he stay all year? (In Shuuji's room? In Shuuji's bed, like the last time he came to stay? Akira is wearing Shuuji's clothes, and when he lifts his arms to gesture, the T-shirt rides up, showing bare golden skin.)

"Yes," Shuuji says, turning to his dad and bowing over bent hands. "Yes, please, Dad? We can share my room."

Shuuji's dad wanders out onto the balcony to confer in secret father's business and Shuuji stays by the stove so that dinner doesn't burn.

Koji takes everything better after that. Maybe he was just worried about having to share again. The new apartment is bigger than the one in Tokyo. Housing prices are cheaper here, and they have a decadent three bedroom apartment. Shuuji's is larger than Koji's, anyway, and he's used to sharing space.

Shuuji lends Akira some pyjamas, saying it's just for tonight, and leaves the covers turned up behind him when he gets into bed. Akira thanks him, says that he's so happy to stay with Shuuji, a whisper of warm breath on the curve of Shuuji's ear. Shuuji doesn't push Akira's arm off when it slides over his waist. Shuuji is not as selfless as Akira thinks he is.

***

The next day, after school, there's a delivery man with a futon, courtesy of some mystery benefactor. Shuuji wonders how much Akira's father paid the tofu man to look after Akira, whether it had hurt his own dad's pride to accept recompense. They go check Akira out of his hotel. The room is larger than the whole Kiritani apartment, but all Akira has is one suitcase.

"To fit in the helicopter," Akira says, looking serious until he tilts his head and kon-kons.

After dinner, they unfold the futon on the cleared floor of Shuuji's room, now their room. Akira kicks at it, screws his face up, and collapses to sit on the blanket. They say their goodnights, and Shuuji turns off the light by his bed.

It's cooler without Akira in bed with him. There's no one else to steal the covers. Shuuji can stretch out, can roll over, can sleep any way he likes.

Shuuji rolls over. The clock radio says they have to get up for school in five hours.

"Akira?"

"Ne, Shuuji?"

"It's cold," Shuuji says, lifting up the side of his blanket.

He doesn't realise that he's holding his breath until he lets it go, Akira behind him, wrangling limbs to fit on the single bed. The last time Akira came to stay, he'd confessed to Shuuji about a girl, about Nobuta, by the end of the week. You can enjoy this, Shuuji tells himself, but just for tonight.

***

On Friday, another suitcase arrives from Tokyo by courier. On the weekend, Shuuji and Akira tidy up their room, rearranging Shuuji's things so that Akira's will fit. They make space for his clothes in the closet and drawers, space on the desk for his textbooks and space on the bookshelves for his manga.

Shuuji hears silence behind him, and turns to see Akira holding his Gokusen 2 DVD in one hand and his Seishun Amigo single in the other. Shuuji had hidden them at the back of his closet's top shelf.

They both came out the week of Shuuji's seventeenth birthday. The shops were selling the single from the day before the official release, so it was like Kame really debuted on Shuuji's birthday itself. That had seemed like a sign, another connection between them. Shuuji hadn't dared buy either for nearly two weeks, waiting for the single to become popular. He told the shop girl that it was for his girlfriend, the DVD for his older sister, but the girl just shrugged; everyone was buying copies.

"I've heard KAT-TUN will break up," she'd told him, "since Kamenashi-kun debuted with Yamashita-kun from NEWS."

That was two months ago, and Shuuji had watched KAT-TUN (and Shuichi to Nobuta) perform at Johnny's Countdown on New Year's Eve. The television was the first non-essential item Shuuji had unpacked. The performance was fifty minutes of not enough Kame, in Shuuji's opinion, trying to spot his favourite behind old guys Shuuji didn't care about. So much for being debuted.

KAT-TUN's debut will be different. Shuuji can feel it.

"Hey, Shuuji! Can we watch this?" Akira asks.

Shuuji can't find a good reason to say no.

Sitting next to Akira, it's almost like feeling that Shuuji's going to throw up, which at least keeps Shuuji from having his usual embarrassingly eager reaction every time Kamenashi scowls on screen.

Akira watches the show with his serious face and only asks questions about parts of the plot that aren't being explained fast enough. Kamenashi and Akanishi's ambiguously charged staring matches don't rate a mention.

In the middle of the second episode, Akira asks: "Did you cut your hair to look like Odagiri?"

Shuuji can't understand why he spent months before they were friends worrying that Akira knew, worrying about what he'd do, how he'd blurt Shuuji's most humiliating secret out to the whole school. Now he's sure Akira is just weirdly hands-on friendly, which Shuuji is coming to think isn't the worst thing in the world. But he's also sure now that Akira can keep a secret.

"Ah, well," Shuuji says, looking at the door. "About that..."

Not correcting someone else's misconception is a very easy lie to play, and easier still if there's a grain of truth in there as well. But, Shuuji doesn't want to lie to his friends any more. He reaches forward to pause the machine.

"Kamenashi is my favourite. I-- I like him."

"OK," Akira says, nodding. "Then, Akanishi will be Akira's favourite."

Akira turns back to the screen, and unfreezes Akanishi getting his arse handed to him by Nakama-san while Kamenashi watches. On the ground, Akanishi pouts. Of course, Shuuji thinks, narrowing his eyes, Akira would like stupid, girly, Akanishi best.

***

At the end of January, Johnny's Entertainment announce that KAT-TUN will debut the following March. Akira grabs Shuuji into a hug when they see the news on TV; Shuuji doesn't push him away.

Akira goes to Tokyo most weekends, to see his father and the company and the tofu man. He starts coming back with presents, the Kaizokuban DVD, Dream Boys papa photos, a lot of them, and a Kame uchiwa for Shuuji and one for himself with stupid Akanishi's face on it. Shuuji has several, increasingly less patient talks about how it's the thought that counts and finally sets a maximum limit on what Akira can spend on presents for Shuuji.

"So, no concert tickets?" Akira asks, hours later.

"Have you already bought them?"

"No."

It's hard, but Shuuji says no. Warm in Akira's arms, Shuuji feels like he's taking advantage enough as it is.

In February, Akira has a business trip to Hong Kong with his father, and gets Shuuji a bootleg copy of Nobuta wo Produce , with tiny, incomprehensible Chinese subtitles along the bottom, but Shuuji forgives him because they're celebrating KAT-TUN's debut press-con. They watch the episodes together, sitting shoulder to shoulder. Shuuji knew Kame was in Nobuta from the single, but he had been too busy while it was screening to think about watching TV. He can remember Mariko telling him that she'd watched the first two episodes, but nothing of the plot. He thinks he remembers saying Kamenashi was annoying, and Mariko hadn't mentioned the drama after that.

Like Gokusen, Nobuta is also set at a boys' school, and Shuuji is glad not to have watched it last year. Watching shy, anti-social Kame ("Nobuta") being "produced" by popular playboy Yamashita ("Shuichi") would have given Shuuji all sorts of fantasies he didn't need, still doesn't need. But more than that, the way art seems to imitate his life is unnerving. The scene in the park at night where Kame hugs Yamashita from behind and then runs away leaves Shuuji with that sick hot-cold feeling in his gut; he catches Akira frowning from the corner of his eye.

They talked the whole time watching Gokusen, made up a game where you took a sip of soy milk every time someone in 3D took a punch and drank the whole glass if Nakama-san used the phrase "precious student", but Shuuji and Akira watch Nobuta in silence. After they finish, the DVDs go to the back of the closet by mutual consent. They watch Gokusen again mixed with Shuuji's collection of old KAT-TUN performances, CMs and TV spots recorded off TV.

Shuuji saves last year's Music Station Super Live for last, because it's hard imagining watching it in the afternoon after school instead of in the dark after his Dad and Koji have gone to bed. It's hard watching KAT-TUN perform SHE SAID, because Shuuji remembers that the night it screened he didn't even make it to the shower, his eyes on Kame paused frozen on the TV screen and Shuuji's hand in his pants. But if anything can help him figure out what Akira thinks of fan service, this performance will be it.

Shuuji sits rigid beside Akira, as Kame pushes Tanaka to his knees in front of a hip roll, as Kame and Nakamaru wraps arms over each other's shoulders, Kame leaning pliant and close, his lips near Nakamaru's ear. Kame winks for the camera on the beat, and Shuuji can feel it in his pulse.

Akira just giggles when Akanishi pulls the camera down so that nothing's visible but his hips and stupid hand gesture that he's making over his crotch.

It's harder for Shuuji not to remember how he felt when he watched Kame and Yamashita sing Seishun Amigo, thinking that he knew what it was like to have people watching you, waiting for you to fail. That he knew what it was like to have to leave your friends because there was something you had to do, counting down the days until he'd never see Akira and Nobuta again.

It's a new year, and everything is different than Shuuji had imagined. Kame is debuting with KAT-TUN and Akira is slumped against Shuuji, his head on Shuuji's shoulder.

***

As the weather gets warmer, Shuuji and Akira start wearing shorter pyjama pants. Every night, Shuuji unfolds Akira's futon. He hangs it over the apartment balcony every weekend to air. He sleeps on his side, except when Akira stays overnight in Tokyo, and Shuuji falls asleep staring at the ceiling.

Kame is dancing with Shuuji, hands on Shuuji, moving them both. Kame is taller, and Shuuji can lean his lips on Kame's collarbone, taste his sweat. It's a club like Shuuji's seen on TV, in dramas and movies, dark and bright lights, music thumping like his heartbeat.

"Do you like Akanishi or Yamashita better?"

Shuuji thinks Kame was so S with Akanishi in Gokusen, but is completely M acting alongside Yamashita. He's impressed that Kame's such an accomplished liar, but Shuuji wants to know who he really is. The guy who bends double when laughing, or the respectful boy who talks about how grateful he is for the opportunities he's getting.

"Who do you think?" Kame smirks, rolling his hips, pinning Shuuji with his weight to the mattress.

Shuuji wakes up arching into the body on top of him, his arms clutching the guy's back, groaning aloud before stopping absolutely still. The curtains don't quite fit his window, and it's light enough outside that he can see it's Akira's sleepy dead weight anchoring him. It's Akira's erection just the fabric of two thin pyjama shorts away from Shuuji's own.

"Shuuji-kun?" Akira asks, groggy with sleep.

Shuuji's had enough practice struggling out of Akira's grip. Soon they're back to how they were when they fell asleep, Shuuji facing the wall with Akira spooned behind him. It's never felt quite this dangerous before.

"Is it ok with you?" Shuuji asks, heart racing and sweat pricking his skin. "Sharing a bed with me?"

"Yes," Akira shrugs, which presses his chest tighter against Shuuji's back. It also puts space between his hips and Shuuji's lower back. Akira laughs, so Shuuji knows he's nervous as well.

"Accidental erections sometimes happen to boys," Akira says, quoting the health class they had last year with the girls in another room.

"But you know I like Kame."

Sometimes Shuuji has to explain things explicitly to Akira before he really understands, rules in the game of life that anyone else would get without being told like that guests shower first, speaking respectfully to your parents and that buying someone more expensive presents than they can get you can make them feel really awkward. They're alone and it's quiet and Shuuji knows that Akira always tries to listen. Shuuji should try to explain.

I like boys, Shuuji thinks, but no one says that. He can't say that.

"I mean I like him better than I liked Mariko."

"Oh," Akira says. "Is that why you broke up with her?"

Shuuji exhales.

"Yes." It's close enough and none of the other reasons are ones Shuuji wants to talk about right now. Not with Akira warm and solid and so good behind him. "Please don't tell Nobuta."

"Don't worry, Shuuji-kun. Your secret is safe with me!"

Akira's hand makes soothing motions on Shuuji's shoulder, kon-kon rubbing at him like a cat. Shuuji can feel Akira's breath on the back of his neck. He should tell Akira to stop. He will. In a minute. A few minutes.

"Is it ok with Shuuji?"

"Yeah." Shuuji swallows thickly. "Stuff like this just happens, right?"

Akira comes back after ten minutes in the bathroom; Shuuji, straining his ears to hear, imagining Akira doing the same thing he is, takes only five. He pretends to be already asleep again when Akira comes back to bed.

***

Shuuji wakes up one morning, and he sees two terracotta pigs sitting on the window-sill, just barely illuminated by the light creeping from under the curtains. He's pretty sure they're usually facing each other across the expanse of Shuuji and Akira's shared desk. At breakfast, his dad tells him that his mother visited in the night. Akira's father sends him an alarm clock. Shuuji's dad tells him he's old enough to wake himself up and wash his own sheets (which Shuuji does, anyway), and gets a lock fitted to their bedroom door, because "young men need their privacy". Akira and Koji complain about their homework across from Shuuji on the dining room table. There's always soy milk in the fridge.

It's an overcast Saturday the eleventh of March when Shuuji unfolds the futon for the first time in weeks, hanging it over the balcony railing. He and Akira make trays of white chocolate pigs, watching the sky for rain.

Nobuta is coming to visit.


	3. Real Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard for Shuuji to explain to Nobuta what it means that KAT-TUN have finally debuted, finally after five years, when Shuuji's been a fan for just a little over a year himself. And because his main reason is that it means he gets to see Kame dance a lot more.

They pick up Nobuta from the train station in the pouring rain, and run all the way home, pulling two bicycles and one wheeled suitcase alongside them. Akira insists that Nobuta gets to dry off first; she's the guest. Shuuji gets everyone towels from the hall cupboard.

Nobuta asks where to put her suitcase. Home for the equinox, Shuuji's dad says she can put it in Shuuji and Akira's room since she'll be sleeping in there, and everyone just looks at him.

Koji finally asks. "Dad, you do know she's a girl?"

Now that they're not making her dress in fashion plate clothes, Nobuta does sort of look like an actress dressed up like a boy, dressed in a warm hoodie and sweats. The smile on Shuuji's dad's face goes really weird, and Shuuji decides right then that he's never going to ask what his dad thought was going on.

In the end, it's decided Nobuta will sleep in Koji's room, and Koji will sleep on the spare futon in the living room. Shuuji, Akira and Nobuta spend most of her first day catching up under the billowing sway of Koji's drying sheets. It's like being in a tent -- Akira likes that -- the sound of rain falling outside the windows carries through, but they don't have so much privacy that Shuuji's dad worries about them. Talking with Nobuta is easier than Shuuji expects, normal, like they only saw her last week. But Akira rings Tokyo every Thursday night on the mobile handset his father gave him; Shuuji usually joins in on the call, but he also writes a letter on Friday night. Nobuta's letters arrive Wednesday, so it has been less than a week, depending on how you look at it.

They didn't talk for a while after Shuuji (and Akira) moved. Shuuji didn't doubt Nobuta had told Akira to go, to come here, but he didn't know what to say to her. Didn't she realise that she and Akira were supposed to be happy together? "Thank you for letting me have him?" Like Akira was a dog, or a child, or a book.

Akira had met up with Nobuta on one of his Tokyo trips, told Shuuji that she had asked about him, that maybe Shuuji should come next time. But, somehow, Shuuji never did. Akira said Nobuta said hi; Shuuji said he said hi to Nobuta. It was ridiculous.

But in February, Nobuta sent chocolate cookies she made herself, cut out like pigs, half covered in thick blue icing and half in purple. They were wrapped carefully between sheets of paper. In the box, there were also four letters, dating back one a week, addressed to both of them. Shuuji had felt stupid, and good, and the first thing he put in his first letter back to Nobuta was arguing with Akira about which colour pig they were each supposed to be.

When dinner's ready, Shuuji's dad interrupts, and they take down the sheets and go get the futon and all its bedding out of their room for Koji.

From the doorway, Nobuta asks: "Where does AKIRA sleep?"

"Shh, it's a secret," Akira says. "Ne, Shuuji-kun?"

Shuuji smiles showing no teeth, a reflex to getting caught, but Nobuta doesn't seem shocked by the sight of their one bed.

***

KAT-TUN is also a complete surprise to Nobuta.

"Shuuji-kun likes them!" Akira says, to explain why they're going to spend Nobuta's second day here waiting for a courier to arrive. But it is the twenty-second, and today, KAT-TUN officially debut. They catch the TV spot on Mezamashi while they eat breakfast. Shuuji has the rest marked in the TV guide.

The courier Akira promises turns out to be two couriers, one small box and one very large. Akira didn't just get the Real Face single; Akira bought Shuuji each of the six variant covers, the album, the DVD of the making of the PV, and a TV stereo system to play them all on. Shuuji thinks he should feel guilty, somewhere, but the feelings inside are bubbling over like drinking too much soda. Shuuji makes a plan to tell his dad that the TV is Akira's, and divides everything into three piles to carry into Shuuji and Akira's bedroom.

They leave the door open.

While Akira plugs everything together on the desk they hardly ever use, Shuuji and Nobuta sit on the made bed with their backs against the wall. There's not anywhere else to sit.

It's hard for Shuuji to explain to Nobuta what it means that KAT-TUN have finally debuted, finally after five years, when Shuuji's been a fan for just a little over a year himself. And because his main reason is that it means he gets to see Kame dance a lot more.

Nobuta holds the Regular Edition single's jewel case in both her hands, scrutinising the cover art for several long minutes. Shuuji is reminded of a year ago, before Nobuta transferred to their school, when all the girls divided into which delinquent idol they liked the best. Shuuji's not sure he wants to know which Nobuta prefers. One in six are even worse odds.

"He's my favourite," Shuuji says, tapping at Kame on the far left of the case. It's not Kame's most flattering shot. Shuuji is not so completely crazy about him that he can't think that Kame looks better in motion than still. Shuuji wasn't sure about Kame's haircut, but the more he looks, the more he thinks it's growing on him.

"He's pretty," Nobuta says.

Shuuji shrugs, but he's pleased. "They're all pretty, right?"

Akira wriggles into the space between them on the bed. "Shuuji - Akira - Nobuta," he says, holding up the stereo remote in his right hand and three outstretched fingers with his left. "We are SAN!"

Nobuta glances at Shuuji across Akira, her eyes just visible through her bangs, a smile twitching on her lips. Shuuji smiles back at her. On the TV, a propeller turns, steam blows, and Shuuji can hear Kame's voice before he appears. Shuuji can feel the heat where Akira's denim-clad thigh presses against his own.

***

It's still raining, but it's barely stopped raining the entire time Nobuta's been here. She leaves tomorrow, and they want to show her the beach. Akira is playing tag with Koji and his friends while Shuuji and Nobuta watch from the security of their umbrellas.

"Shuuji and A-AKIRA--"

"No," Shuuji says. "We-- I don't know."

"--seem happy," Nobuta finishes.

It's Akira's turn as "it", but all the school kids are faster. The rain has made Akira's clothes stick to his skin, moulding to the outline of his body, even before he trips and falls into the waves. Shuuji has dry towels in a waterproof rucksack. He's giving them another twenty minutes before he'll make them dry off, and then they'll go buy takoyaki with the money Yamada, Chinen and Arioka's mothers are paying Shuuji to keep an eye on them.

"I don't know," Shuuji repeats.

Nobuta shuffles sideways, but their umbrellas touch, bounce her back. Shuuji moves the stem of his umbrella to the other side of his neck, and inclines his head to listen.

"Sometimes, your favourite person isn't someone you want to k-kiss you," Nobuta says, her husky voice just above the shrieks of the boys. "Sometimes, you even want to kiss him, and you don't know w-why, because you're still figuring out who you are."

She looks up at Shuuji, quickly looking back to the breakers, and he thinks: oh.

"I think if it's like that, it's ok not to tell them about wanting to k-kiss them. It's ok to wait and see."

"Mm." Shuuji nods. He'd wanted to ask if she was really ok, without them. Nobuta's letters are always a mixture of happy and hard, but it's easy for Shuuji to worry.

"We came here after school the first day," Shuuji says.

Nobuta has heard this story before, Akira's helicopter ride and Nobuta's smile in the clouds, but Shuuji tells it again while they watch Akira dodge school kids on the sand. Today, there are no clouds, just a thick grey sky, but there's a smile on Nobuta's face. There's one on Shuuji's, too.

***

Akira is sleeping. In Koji's bedroom, Nobuta is (Shuuji assumes) sleeping. Shuuji is not sleeping.

Shuuji can tell that Akira is sleeping, because every now and again, Akira's hand tightens in the fabric of Shuuji's T-shirt. The fabric is thin. Akira's hand is warm. Shuuji's pulse is loud in his own ears. Something about Nobuta being on the other side of the wall makes Shuuji want to be extra quiet, but also to be doing things he needs to be quiet for.

It's hard to squirm around between Akira and the wall until Shuuji is facing the other way. It's a single bed, and there's not many ways that the legs and arms of two teenage boys fit. It's also hard because Akira is still holding onto Shuuji's T-shirt, his arm now squished between their bodies. Shuuji's got an hand caught under him. The other holding his own thigh, because the alternative would be Akira's, and Akira is still asleep.

Shuuji pushes at Akira's shoulder, pushes and pushes, and Akira rocks with the motion but only seems to curl up closer.

Shuuji sighs. "Akira, roll over."

And just like that Akira lets go and rolls over, leaving Shuuji staring, even though he can't see anything at all.

Slowly, carefully, Shuuji reaches for Akira's waist. Akira has done this to him more times than he can count. It's normal, for them. It's probably ok. Except that Akira grabs Shuuji's hand, and clutches it to his chest, yanking Shuuji forward flush with Akira's back.

For five whole seconds, all Shuuji can think about is leaning forwards, lips in the dark. Akira's facing the other way. The chance of hitting somewhere dangerous is low, somewhere without plausible deniability tiny. Akira is making noises, like he's still completely asleep, little, delicious noises. Shuuji starts thinking about licking the back of Akira's neck, to see what other sort of noises he would make. He thinks about moving his hand lower, if that would be enough to make Akira get a hint.

Shuuji thinks of Akira without his pyjamas on. Akira with his hands on Shuuji's hips. He thinks about sitting next to Akira at breakfast. Akira's hair smells like the shampoo they all use. None of these thoughts are unfamiliar. Shuuji knows that Akira's not a tease on purpose. That doesn't make it easier to breathe right now. Sometimes, Shuuji thinks, he's as M as Akanishi.

Shuuji's problem isn't that he isn't sure what he wants. It's that he doesn't know if he can have it all.

***

It's cold but not actually raining, when they take Nobuta to the station. The sky is blue and the air is crisp. They're early, and spend most of the time waiting removing windswept hair from their mouths. Nobuta reminds them both that it's now their turn to visit. Akira solemnly promises to kidnap Shuuji if necessary. Shuuji kicks Akira's ankle, but his scowl is all play.

When her train's boarding, Akira pulls Nobuta into a hug that leaves her wide-eyed but smiling. Shuuji and Nobuta nod shallow bows over Akira's shoulder. Nobuta runs down the concourse, her suitcase rolling behind her. Outside the station, Shuuji and Akira pull their bikes over to stand with the train-spotters, and wait until the Tokyo train is invisible in the distance before turning for home.

They're waiting for the lights the change, and Shuuji suddenly can't wait any longer.

"Why didn't you stay in Tokyo?" he asks Akira.

"Nobuta said--"

"I know, but why did you--"

"It's not polite to interrupt," Akira says, and waits.

Shuuji rolls his eyes, but stays silent.

"Nobuta said: "Akira should go. Shuuji will be lonely." Akira's Nobuta voice is a falsetto. "So Akira rang the old man and said Akira will run the company, be a boring suit, whatever, as long as he can stay with Shuuji. Old man said Akira must find his own tofu man, but Akira could only find hotels. But then it was ok, because Shuuji-kun wanted Akira to stay!"

Yes. Shuuji thinks. Stay. Stay with me.

The lights change, but the obaa-san standing next to them is the only one to cross the road.

"Akira, I like you," Shuuji says, as direct and explicit as he can be. Maybe Akira will hate him, but he should know.

"I like you, too, Shuuji-kun. Best friends, kon-kon?"

Shuuji turns away, frustrated, angling his bike onto the street. One step forward, out in front of a truck, a long-distance lorry, and Shuuji's only yanked back in time by Akira's grip in Shuuji's jacket.

"Pay attention to the traffic, Shuuji-kun!"

Shuuji has to laugh. His legs feel like water. He is almost certain that his bike frame is 90% of the reason he's still standing. Shuuji wonders if Akira can hear Shuuji's heartbeat, thundering like waves on the shore.

"Like you, too, Shuuji-kun," Akira repeats, sing-song.

"Even though I'm not a girl?"

"Akira isn't an idol."

Shuuji thinks Kamenashi is handsome, absolutely ridiculously handsome, but he has stylists and managers and who knows what else. Shuuji's sure everything in the magazines or in interviews is "produced". But more importantly, Kamenashi has never met Shuuji. Shuuji's not sure he even wants to meet him. See him in concert, maybe, or-- Shuuji wants Kamenashi to keep getting paid to look pretty where Shuuji can watch. Shuuji just wants Akira to keep being Akira.

"I like you better than Kame."

"Really?"

Shuuji nods. He has a smile he can't help, doesn't want to suppress, curving on his lips. He's not sure why he's not blushing.

"I wish we were home right now," Shuuji says. "Somewhere inside."

Akira looks like he's waiting for Shuuji to make sense.

Shuuji looks around. It's a public street, but everyone around them is walking somewhere, looking at something else. Shuuji leans in across their bikes, and so does Akira. "If we were at home, I could be kissing you right now."

Akira lets out a loud whoop, letting go of Shuuji's hand to point at the lights. They've changed.

"Hurry up, Shuuji-kun!"

They race all the way home.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Green Willow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/144765) by [threewalls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/threewalls/pseuds/threewalls)
  * [Myojo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/235005) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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